When the search for Optimism ends

As I write this blog on the Midnight where the new year awaits me in 40 minutes, all I tend to do is blog at the moment.

The day started with a dream to see the video of Ramta Jogi (the song I am currrently listening to) .

All sites worked fine except Ramta Jogi on the Morning of this Tuesday , the 31st Dec of 2013 .

Suddently , a call from Appa .

The lion has stopped roaring. It found the zoo to be very bad and was keen on returning to the Den. But , life was too late to make it to the tiem.

Off the 14 odd hours of this day , I spent 6 hours in front of the dead body of periyappa.

Life sometimes makes the day the most unexpected affair of the year.

2013 was the year , I searched for optimism , the time when I searched for my innate self for the definition of what it needed to be .

The gate is opening. End of blog.

Hope the next year fares well too :)

When you are unable to accept the truth - An MP Analysis

1.       This happens when the first person tries to match the reality which are going at a pace than what he can accelerate upto.

Who said this is it? You can go at a higher pace than this . This is just the start of the journey. The major parts if covered now will give scope for making up scenes you never expected to face.

2.       When the amount of cheering exceeds expectations.

-na-

3.       Sometimes you will reach junctures when the road to be taken is mis-matching against the thoughts. We know it is good to go through but there is a sense of danger.

The other road has only dangers.  Think of the girl who married at 22 , isn’t she living good. Don’t you feel the sense for need of a partner? “Wait and live”- is all that I got to tell.

4.       Mind has higher ambitions even though you know you are living a good life.

This is absolutely normal. There is nothing to worry about. All you did was learn and take up decision that would delude you from presumptions where life would take you into.

5.       Lack of perfections in thoughts.

What is perfection? You got nothing more to tell us right?

6.       Persistence of numb feeling.

Shut up and drive

7.       Feel of becoming betrayed and preyed.

Shame ,Shame puppy shame !!

8.       When you feel you are becoming your own villain.

It is not a no , but not an yes too . Everybody gets to see their own villain and heroes over course of time. Control your tongue is all I got to tell you.

9.       Lack of vision about future.

Life at its best. Live upto it fully. Long visions are good , have them in target , don’t think about tomorrow or next year , live for what you are going to be 20 years from now.

10.   Aint it too early for all these.

Baah , retirement plans, I gonna work till the day I die and you feel this is early. 

The SAW

This is something that I have always wanted to write about. There are variety of characters that I have met up in these 24 years of life. As I am about to complete quarter of my life in this world, I found a strange me within my self. 

There is someone who likes to be damn arrogant who is trying to setup strange examples among innocent beings and in the meantime acting to be nice from outside . I sometimes think , it is the real me. 

I had a call with Tejas , a new customer , as the call proceeded, I could feel the pressure building, for a moment, I felt, I was spoon feeding someone who refused to read the document.

The tone changed. It was a tough tone , a damn tough tone, I rarely address customer as 'Man', BUT this time, I decided, it is gonna be Tejas and Man. 

As the meeting proceeded and I fixed issue by issue, the questions started to flow tremendously, of course he was trying to grasp everything from me . All of a sudden , I checked the time, it was 7:12. Exactly 72 minutes gone by, THIS is all I had to tell before closing the call:

I am having a meeting in 3 mins and I gotta end this webex. I am marking this case for closure and if you get any new ones, please raise a new case and will take it from there. There was surprize, he said , you gotta wait till I confirm, I asked, why wait when the issue is resolved. 

There was a pause , I said - LET me know if you got any concerns. There was a shift of tone, it said - YES. 

Sometimes, the question of character comes to play with the act of professionalism. People might write this and that on the former, but this experience that I am gaining is what is gonna turn about the situation. 

Tough times with tough people, it simple makes you tougher. Sometimes, it might lead to a complete downfall. Whatsover the case might be, be sure that nothing is gonna change that attitude which is stuck and make sure , you are not digging your grave anymore.

The saw always digs for the other, not for itself.  

Half Century

I happen to do things that normal people take up 10 years from now. I am writing this article after fixing 6 customer issues on 6 different webex calls.

Kind of stressed but what to do :(.. Life is like that . Maibe I have to take vacation was the thought, but it is already booked 2 weeks later.

Happiness in one way. Stress in another. Atleast , I am the only self dependent is the thought . Let us see where life leads me to .

When you feel old

http://cricket.yahoo.com/news/18-cricketing-facts-that-will-make-you-feel-old-154242001.html

This link really took me long back in life. I still remember , the kid that used to sit and watch cricket.

The kid who stood out of his eyes and it was like yesterday. With Jadeja batting at 88 and India needed to win this to grab hold of the cup and news breaking out later , Alas , I miss them damn it.

I remember Hansie Cronje cricket cards and Azhar's sweep cards were exchanged for cards 88-129 , total of 41 cards. I still have them somewhere in home.

Life is all about your greatest treasures and those you collected during a period which you thought was more valuable than anything else.

I have no idea where my coins and stamps are now , but I do remember making close to 8 albums fill of stamps and the young world articles that showed up some stamps with the description and worth of them.

I dont know what happened to young world but I do remember the fight with my pals related to who is worth what is terms of their collections.

Life stands in front of you telling to live it the way you want and you think other are the ones who pave the way for you.

Like Vikram said, its is like - you future rests in your hands, it is completely in you to decide whether you are old or not but what I read today did make me feel old. Of course, what can a premature baby think when he is 23 and looks 39 :( .

Lal and mamookka are also 50 plus. Damn it , I still miss those good days :-( .

Raghu Chronicles : When I heard the Boogiest of them all

Prabhu the husband
Rohini the wife
Indu the driver
Vinod the Neighbour
Vikasini mother of Adriksha
Adriksha the first one aka Jana
Madhu - The cam girl

These are the events that were heard by Raghu who happened to work with Prabhu.

#################################################
As we sat for lunch, we saw Prabhu laughing at the windows. It was heavily raining outside ....

"When the night of 13 June stuck nine pre mid , there was a sudden booming of clouds .

When the droplets counted to millions, the bus stop at Rikey Nagara was flooding.  "

Whenver it rained, the giant was seen laughing and no one had the guts to speak to him. The heart was weeping but the mind projected it as a broad mouth with vibrating throat with a big roar.

"Rohini was standing at the bus stop and there was no sign of the 14A bus. Another 100 wasted she thought , just as the next rickshaw driver stopped"
#################################################
He remembered advising , never ever wear short skirts to office on monsoon days. But she was always adamant : "I had to leave only for 10 days" - but why on the 10th day he thought . "What went wrong that she decided to go for public transport ? "
#################################################
" Every penny is important, I will wait for the bus" she thought.

#################################################

It was the evening of 10th April , there was a cry at the hospital. The medical report showed, she will never be a mom. The femininity of the wife was questioned. The husband had frustrations. After all, his wife was the only family that he had.

Slowly, the attitude started to change. After marriage struggle made them realize many realities. Life was becoming less lively. Love making was more of a duty and not a passionate process.

The one who had advised on alcohol had to consume it to make the nidra . Prabhu had to bear it all.

#################################################

3 years ago:

Adriksha was getting ready for the day as this was the moment when she had to get dressed up and make up her thoughts .

Her mom was busy making the sweets and savories. "It is the taste of the snacks and the proudy of our parampara that is going to make this work. My little goddess deserves more . " - Vika thought
##################################################
Ever since the birth, Indu was single . His mom and dad had passed away during childhood and he was brought up by his uncle.

The advice given was , "live for one girl who is going to be there for you for the rest of your life tiem".

You will get her or destiny will make you find her. That one day, you life will change.

The day, he saw Adriksha , he decided, she is the one. But self - respect made him not to tell it to her. But , there was enough courage to go to her mom and tell, "I would like to marry your daughter. "

**********


"Yes, there is demand for ladies these days due to the difference in sex ratio, I can reject too". What do you think, I will marry a driver and live the rest of my life in a locked house serving you and your uncle, who always boozes . We need to shift to an independent house and your uncle can come and leave.

" I have been single all my life, I have not tasted a girl or even spoken to one. Everything was for you and now dont talk stupid"

"You dont know how to speak to woman"

"What , you are telling? You have spoken to many men and are judging me. I cannot bear this anymore . This is hurting me. My uncle is ,my mom and dad to me. I cannot leave him alone. He will die rather than being alone. "

"What did you just speak ? " Get out of my house-, mid aged Vikasini could not wait for more words from Indu.

What had thought to be the happiest day happened to be a worst one in their lives.

********

Hearing what had happened in Vikasini aunt's house, Vinod was happy . "Even though , I am unemployed and enjoying life, there are still chances of me scoring Jana."

As days passed by , Vinod managed to get a temporary post at the Advocates office. Daily wage of 100.
This was when , the thought arouse, I will propose Jana . "Why should she reject me ?"

********

"Get me the bouquet of  red roses . How much ? 200 ah . No , then get me a single rose . "

Standing in-front of the Jagannatha temple, the proposal was made and accepted.

*********

3 weeks before the marriage:

"Jana , my uncle is no more. I always lived for you and am still living for you . The last time , he was the reason, now he is gone. Can you live with me ?" - Indu asked

"What you are telling ? It is my marriage in 20 days and you are asking me to marry you . Dont be a fool Indu. You have to find another girl Indu . This is real life, I have fallen in love with someone else and decided to live the rest of my life with him. I am sorry for your uncle. My mother always opposed the company of people who drink and did not want your uncle to hinder our lives, that is why I spoke like that . Please dont mis-understand"

##########################################

"Rohini was my god and she will be my idol for ever. She was the most courageous woman I met . But , why is it that that ,  I had to do it. " - Prabhu laughed.

##########################################

Days later:

"Aaah , beat me. Beat me till I bleed. " - Eva shouted. It was bondage porn on the screen and some alcohol on the right hand. Indu did not have any other option.

The words that ran were: - " How can Madhu speak like that , I paid her and she has to serve me instead."

"What had happened was not in my hands. It was life and destiny that lead to it. But marrying a daily wage is stupid . I am driver , she should not have done it. "

Alas Jana, you life is like this now.

******************
The actual scene:

It was hotcams.com . There were new performers who had to somehow make it to the top by gaining 1000 points. There was Indu who was desperate for a woman. But a real woman would make it the end of his singularhood. It was both love for Jana and self - respect that made him not touch any other woman.

When , Madhu happened to enter the camera , there was Indu at other end. The eyes were same , the face was same . When she had to do the show, it was like , a man shouting at the womanhood of a lady. This was a performer who happened to not love her job. After all  , she was an Indian born in the lower class of the society who was struggling each day of her life.

Jana, I will give not only 1000 but even 10000 points for you. The hope in Madhu arouse, this time , it was full nude and not a semi nude one. The show was over, it was a pervert in the form of Indu on the other end. Show me more , give me more, bend , open your mouth.

But , just the usual 15 points at the end. Madhu felt she was cheated with wrong hopes. But , the microphone was still running. She asked- " Jaanu, number bol".

Then started the real stuff on phone. Somehow, the poison was forming on either ends . It ended in these words.

"FUCK A CORPSE CHOD"
******************

MAY n JUNE MOMENTS

Well, loads to speaks of :

1. Friend's aunt dies due to cancer and brought memories of what happened 21 years back at Karamana.

2. Paala paaty is no more.

3. Jiah Khan suicide !

4. I have been idle and enjoying life. Troubleshoot with whatever clues you find. Idiots are writing software and I have to suffer. Later I realized that the idiots need to sit and think intead of me raising CRs. Dumb logging, wrong logic, lack of ideas on how threading works and finally , no persons to QA . Who really cares   customer himself laughs and tells WTF :-) .

5. It is raining heavily and Kedanath is underwater !

6. Modi Maharaj gets his shield . But the king need to fight for his victory as allies are washing hands.

7. Facebook and Microsoft agree on project PRISM.

8. Realized that any type of events will have an explanation even though whatever reason the reality is attributed to .

The Second Journal of April Seventh ‘13

These happens to be the series of recent events that are deemed to have occurred in my life since the titled date.

1.       A bike called Unicorn is bought on the 3^rd of April 2013. My roommate accompanied me all through the evening to the showroom to get the bi-wheeler.

2.       I discover the route to Hosakote on the night of 4^th April 2013.

3.       A change of shift is made as the Koreans are fighting for ILM and land L . The victims are South Koreans and a South Indian boy named KishoreL. But the job simply gets interesting as the issue are being solved easier than thought. I pray for the lives and success of people and project involved.

4.       Kishore discovers route to Yashwantpur via Hebbal and returns through Race Course road !!

5.       Second trip to Shatiniketan on Whitefield. Kind of memorable one , became more memorable during the call from Keethu tellin , Navneeth just got engaged. Kinda felt bad to realize that his mom never mentioned any when I visited her few days back.  

Dard – e - Zindagitheque

                                                  

There have been loads of mishaps around.

 A 41 year old suicides along with a 27 year old neighbour. No one knows if they are inter-linked.

Kishore goes to his school to sees his teachers !!.

There happened to be a virtual occasion where two teens were seen laughing and a boy humiliated as usual and ended with him off away crying . I have no idea how the mood changed.

A Russio Canadian gets pissed at my activities and tells me to analyse instead of solve J.

An elder comments on the differences between loving a girl and loving a woman. Well , the extent to which he thinks is quite justifiable. The main point was , you marry a girl and live with a woman and you are just a 23 year old kid .

Another moment was when you cheer and later sit quite thinking what am I supposed to speak. This is that weird moment when you realize  , it is upto you to make things work .

Sukumari is dead L.

Life happens to be such a thing where the situations of happiness lead you to end up with a can of worms and the worst part being you think of how to hand over the can of worms to your neighbor instead of opening the can and cooking the worms .

I had to stammer in order to understand a stutterer during a five 9 call. Might sound cruel, but I did it in my mind (the stammering part) . Speaking of stammerers , I always wanted to write about the people whom I have met in life who happened to dribble .The best thing of such people, the personality they bear happens to make it the most memorable moment that I lived with them:

Mithun, my childhood friend. Whenever he said Kishore , it was kkkkk – e – shor . I used to go to his home after school during 1^st and 2^nd standard. There used to be lots of snakes in the way to home and dad decided I stay at Mithun’s home after school till he comes to pick me up. We watched – Independence day , Dunston Checks in, Godzilla and some oldies together in a video cassette player. His mom used to make us some really good food and they were always surprised and happy seeing me. I never have been to his some to see him since. I have been ignorant. The latest news I got was he was paralysed and his dad is looking after him. There are a lot of prayers going around for him. I hope he gets back and starts driving the taxi called life and make it to the best conditions again.

“IT KINDA OFFENDS ME TELLING THE WORD STUTTERER. SO I A GOING TO REFER EM ALL BY NAME. “

Mani Periyappa : Vaikom Subrahmania Iyer (age 78) , the son of Vaikom Gopalakrishna Iyer. My father’s eldest brother in terms of age. I see him weekly and whenever he is in steady state of mind , he repeats and struggles. It just takes few seconds to change the frequency to a steady stream of words and that is when you debate this giant knowledge base with points that you learnt from google. Whether it be Smultronstallet or Orson Welles, he knows everything. Retired 20 years back and still fighting with his sister in law, he lives about 500 metres from my work place. It seems to be written in my head that I get to live with this google during this period of life.  

Sweta : This girl happens to be my classmate. I do not know much of her. One incident that comes to my mind is on that occurred during 2001 at Kodunganoor at my school. I was in 6^th Standard and our English teacher was aaahm , Rukmini madam. I recently spoke to mam on the phone, she now works at Varkala and continues to teach the language. The incident is not related to madam , it is related to Akshay Sharma. Well, this girl struggled reading the chapters aloud when the teachers asked us to do it one by one. Well, this fella Akshay happens to be a naughty boy (a "********" now I guess) , he likes to lit up dead candles . Whenever, there was a trouble pronouncing the word (I remember , it was “responsible”) . Well, the first ‘s’ was okay, the second one lasted for 2 to 3 seconds and suddenly a shout out in the form of “RESPONSIBLE” was pronounced by the fat boy. This was just the advent of what happened out to be an embarrassing moment for the girl and she broke out at the end. Kinda touchy moment. God knows what these people are doing now L .

Abhinav: He works at my office. I have heard him struggle speaking to the customers. Well, he is a product specialist and does his job well during escalations and complicated situations. That is all that is takes for him no matter how the problem is. There is a lot of inspiration from an experienced person in the form of Danny Xavier that nurtures this budding talent. There is a silent acknowledgement in the form of a nod whenever I see his face. Makes me happy seeing the confidence and courage that this great worker bears !

Makdee girl : The girl among the twins that struggles to speak. Another classic character from a Vishal Bharadwaj movie !!

Kaminey kapoor : Another Vishal’s character. The scene where Shahid sings to gives the statement at police station in the form of a songs . OMG , how does it take for the pen to yield this out of the brain. Simply a great one.

Special 26 Fake officer : This was a cameo but still he makes us remember the character with some flawless performance. Made me feel guilty at the end to realize even he was cheated by the heroes . Hope there is a second part where he gets a better part to play. 

There are lots of other people whom I have met , but the above people have made a difference in my life as they still live in and made a day at some point in time . 

I thank you all. 

When the mood simply glows bright

The beat of the surrounding simply determines the way you think. The excitement you experience is something that you never thought would be possible in ways beyond words and when there is a rhythm to add to the vibration, it simply gets from higher to the highest level. 

Such a day was what I experienced a week back on the night before this Monday. I wanted to cry but self respect was making me not to . I keep thinking whether I was right or wrong, the past it created is what I will experience in the future . Why is that there are far more important things that I need to accomplish , maybe Kishore is never gonna make it to the extent he becomes of dreaming, be it in terms of thoughts or reality, but he never realizes when he has breached the gore outta himself. 

A strange feeling surpassed today when I found that the 80 year daughter was not informed about the heart attack of her 94 year old mother. Valli paatty, I know you are gonna be thinking if you will ever make it to my marriage. The word was , you gonna make to a centurion in terms of age, but you have already crossed it in terms lief. I know there are loads of stones that you have kept unturned for the next generation . Most of which are going to be driven forth by a vehicle called life, some might turn , some might powder be it through me or though my blood. One of the most important moments was when I saw you travelling back to Chennai at a cold morning in Banglore at 5 AM. I caught a bus a 4 AM from Byapanahalli , something I will cherish my whole lifetiem. 

Hearing to songs when I write is making a different self out of me. I realize this is something that makes people listen of music. Felt like beating some people to pulp for no reason after discussing Fight Club yesterday. Hope Bangalore did really have one, one at the last few floors of Infa , it is gonna be possible someday that there are some 10 cars creating an area surrounding where two fellas are gonna beat the pulp outta each other and the whole building is dark with the indicator lights of the ten cars alone blinking and the best cheering crowd of em all to glee the goriest. 

When you are beaten upto pulp and your right cheek has bled to such an extent , that it simply rests by de-erecting outta the face and all of a sudden there is this feel of what you have been upto and a crowd silent enough to get shocked seeing what just happend , "what the heck am I doing here and why is this guy bleeding ." Suddenly you get out of the peak state and get to the highest levels crying outta joy. You change when you have such a day to live. 

Boy!! ,you need experience whether it be love or hatred. 

People you long to be with, people you are fed up with, people who you fantasize being with, people who make you feel embarrassed, people who make you turn about and salute, people who truly give you goosesbumps, people who make you laugh due to their innate being that they expose with pride, people who make you laugh due to happiness, people who support, people who play life with you , people who give you pleasure, people you take pleasure from, people who accompany , people who make you lead, people you lead , people who lead you , the person who just made this spit outta your mind . 

Did I miss something, I hell did yeah ! People who fancy you . 

The times when you realize that beauty is realized out your taste when you feel that the appearance is not what matters and it is the reality that need to be realized and that moment when you suffer the inability to think of anything else other than the sheer effort god put in carving that piece and the probability that struck time to slice the most important second of them all to actualize what you call piece de resistance . All of em make what you call a day and being born as one of the above does matter as you churn a different self out of each of them to make a different character out of your own self and define it a way to thought which totallly makes this life the awesomesst thing to live !!!!!

I hope I never vomit this much hereafter .

ISNT THERE ANYTHING TO REASON FOR THIS EXISTENCE

As I write this blog , I am two days away from visiting another corner of this world. This time , it is the place famous for the most beautiful sidewalks and my herd is full of chunks of lives that are older and experienced than me. Sometimes, I feel honored to be part of them. Mostly, its kinda lonely and there is a load of thoughts flowing in. There are lives dependent on me and that is the part where I feel the role coming in.

Today, listening to this piece was making the day and there were lots of goosebumps flowing. The melody simply gets you dissolved and the moment there is crash of the server. the feel of frustration that strangles your mind is simply inexpressible . But one word simply get you start up the fight . There is vengeance , there is a glory to restore despite all the problems being faced.

Opening the people directory in my desktop made me feel so proud today. At some point, I was proving myself under the service of troubled people. What was captcha to bear!

It is like visualizing the trick that the magician uses to allure the audience and the feel when you fetch the applause. Somethings that really keeps me going is the satisfaction of making it to the closest level even though the guru finally makes his entrance to give the great advice and rca the great puzzle.

Raghu is still alive. Tho, there is very less of travel and free flow of thoughts these days. Maibe , there is a need of break . I remember someone telling, this is real life and you gotta make it work.

Everytime it is Monday, it all of a suddenly becomes Friday. The longest period for which I remain idle is the weekend. This could be a phase of my existence and learning , but when am I gonna make a better justification of thyself .

There are blocks, turns, stones , rivers , bridges and loads of other things to pass by . Gotta wait for each of em'.

Life , I am gonna catch you back in black !! It has been more than a year and I am getting the feel of Kannada with all those words feeding in.